Modus Eundi

Today when I ran I listened to music. I do this particularly when I do not want to think. When I just want solitary exertion, numbness. I have an i-pod shuffle. I bought it because it is light and clips easily onto my running kit. Today I listened to this by Blue Juice over and over and over again for the tempo and the noise and the numbness.

I drive a lot. I drive too fast. I find driving boring. I listen to this by The Goo Goo Dolls. It comes from the Soundtrack to City of Angels which was a tragic reworking of Wings of Desire.

I listen to this because it was sent to me by a long term lover. I had an affair with him for years and never once felt guilty or bad about it. It was about sex and well, sex really. Eventually I realized he was boring and I was using him but by then he had fallen in love so I had to hurt him. And I did. Because Some Things are more important.

Every so often, he will send me this song. No matter how many times I have listened to it I still don’t understand it. Perhaps the point is I never will.